We’re Launching a New Rocket

We are pleased to announce the launch of a new core coaching program. Redneck Rocket, a 12-step program complete with coaching, done-for-you resources and world-class interviews, launches today. The twelve coaching modules include:

  1. The ABCs of Being a Redneck. There’s no shame in admitting you’ve never left the southern state of your birth. In this module, you’ll learn how to admit, believe and commit.
  2. The Strategy Behind Lawn Equipment placement. You might be tempted to think you can just throw the refrigerator or the old car in the yard, but without a proper strategy, you’ll be a laughing stock of the trailer park.
  3. Pyrotechnics 101. Learn how to blow stuff up with ease.
  4. The Redneck Guide to Facial Hair. But it’s not just about hair, we’ll get into all sorts of redneck hygiene.
  5. From the Gut. We’ll talk about beer and tobacco. Plus there’s a special bonus interview here called “teeth talk – learning how to talk with a toothpick in your mouth.”
  6. Guns. Anyone can buy a gun, but you’ll actually learn how to make your own ammo.
  7. Redneck Fashion. It takes skill to pull off the tube top. We also get into wifebeaters and tattoos.
  8. Act like a redneck. The lifestyle is more than just action – you’ve got to learn how to talk right. We’ll show you how to talk loud in the most inappropriate situations.
  9. A Redneck and His Machines. Learn the insider secrets on spit can placement and how to turn any quiet car into a redneck machine.
  10. You’re Never Too Young to Have a Kid.
  11. Talking Like a Redneck. If too many people understand you, that’s a problem. We’ll teach you how to slur syllable and omit consonants.
  12. Living Like a Redneck. It’s all about the lifestyle. Learn how not to get paid, properly utilize cash and pawn places, and the tricks of the bartering system.

Redneck Rocket is usually $99 a month, but for a limited time, you can get it for the low price of four used tires. Just use a money order or Western Union to send your payment.

If you act fast, we’ll send you bonus interviews on how to leave your Christmas lights up all year, how to fight with your family, and how to ignore all educational principles taught in school.

Oh, and don’t forget… Today is April Fools.